Yes, yes I can finally say that I now have the ability to drive.
I can drive without anyone watching over me like a puppy so it doesn’t pee on the carpet.
The reason for taking so long was that I didn’t believe in myself. This is what anxiety does.
Something that you could be completely natural at doing, painting or playing an instrument, could be completely bulldozed by the thought of ‘You can’t do this’, repeating itself over and over. Overlapped with an array of physical features.
Sweaty palms, racing heart, tensing of muscles, blushing, stuttering and shaking. It’s all part of it.
It’s always really hard to describe what having anxiety is like. No one really understands you unless they have it themselves.
I always imagine, what if ALL the people who did have anxiety just lost it over night? Imagine what the world would be capable of.
That thought excites and saddens me melted in one.
Debilitating is an understatement. Each persons experience is utterly different so my own experiences with anxiety won’t even be comparable to a friend or anyone else.
Lately, I’ve been attending anxiety support groups to help talk these through. Having found a group of people that don’t judge and are completely open to listening without judgement is a safe haven.
I urge anyone else to do the same. Look in your local area and find somewhere that holds a time for you to speak about your issues.
Even just hearing yourself speaking about your complex issues can take a load off your shoulders.
Being in the city has its benefits due to the amount of monthly groups there are.
I know it could be anxiety provoking even just thinking of that. But it’s very much worth it.
Mental health is something that needs consistent work. You can’t just be fine after one visit. Nor can it disappear over night.
Someone in the group made this comment, “Will my anxiety go away? Or will I always have this?”
What I’ve learnt is that, we are built to have anxiety. In the sense that, in cavemen times the ‘fight or flight’ reaction was there FOR a reason. To enable us the ability to do exactly that. Fight against the threat. Or, run away from it. That’s it.
And so in this day and age, we don’t have as much of the same threats. This allows us to actually see threats in other means that aren’t necessarily that affect our daily lives. This includes driving, public speaking, flying etc.
Its quite fascinating when you think about it. The only real way to test this, is to confront your demons. Or as I described ‘threats‘.
In my case, I confronted my threat by continually driving. Driving was something that I wasn’t always fearful of. But when I failed a test by driving onto the kerb. I retreated into a clam of self-pity and hid away from challenging the failed test.
In a sense, I regret that. But I know it was for the best.
Last year when I was in Canada, it was so easy to see the resourcefulness of a car. Freedom, independence, more time, convienience.
I specifically remember the thought I had. “When you go back home, you will get your licence.” And I did.
Trust yourself. Eventually I did and it got what I wanted.
Who wants to go for a drive? 😊