Wow, how a week makes a difference! A lot has happened since last time I wrote this.
Firstly, I did not go to the next stage in the pitch for ABC. I was quite bummed about it. But I’ve accepted it. Just move on and continue on.
I should have the 360 video, I developed with other students, on YouTube quite soon which is exciting.
I was actually quite sick this week which has been horrible (no one enjoys the shits) but there was a silver lining…I started watching The Sinner, on Netflix, which has been addicting.
Although I’m sensing a good drinking game from it. Every time jessica Biel cries you have a shot. Plus any time you hear that song that triggers her. You’ll just have to watch it if you don’t know what I’m on about.
Lastly, a good friend of mine lost her baby last weekend. She had a stillbirth. The baby’s heart stopped beating. It just so happened to be the week before she was due. Heartbreaking doesn’t even justify the feeling and experience of it all.
Some friends and I stayed with her and her partner. It was a sweet time spent together. It was incredibly sad in moments.
Surrounded by Cockatoos and Kookaburras we ate soft cheeses and laughed about funny festival outfits and dance moves. The lingering thought of a passing child, a child that we should have been holding instead was no longer in our arms reach.
It got me thinking about the way people handle death and traumatic situations.
Being a self confessed Atheist, I find it hard to believe in any religion, God or spirituality. Trust me, I’ve tested it out.
At the flat chested age of 14, I decided religion wasn’t for me. Mainly because my scripture teacher didn’t have the answer to my questions.
A question about why do children with cancer exist, or what happened to all the dead people before any religion was established?
Clearly I was in favour of facts and scientific evidence.
My friend has handled this situation so unbelievably strong. Honestly I cannot believe she’s actually walking and talking whilst carrying this sadness with her. I don’t know how she does it. But then I realised I knew why.
Coming from a world of spirituality, my friend is able to see the light. No, not that one. I mean, the light that continues to burn. Hope.
Hope, that there was a reason for this that has brought many people closer than before the words “I can’t hear her heartbeat…” were uttered by the midwives.
If I were faced with the exact same situation. I would probably be in a hole of darkness. Not wanting to get out of bed. What would be the point? Having lost a child I had never truly met, would be devastating.
But I wouldn’t think that I would meet my child else where or feel their presence. I wished I believed it. I truly did.
Maybe I’ll force myself to because at the end of the day, it sounds a whole lot nicer than just “dead and gone” and that’s it.
I think that’s why ultimately people have to believe in something. It gives them solace in knowing that, the chimes were ringing at the exact moment being told a loved one had passed – that sound was them waving good bye.